A few weeks ago, my beautiful Chicken asked me to marry him.  Knelling down amongst shimmering candles layed out in a heartagram on the bedroom floor, he took my hand and asked me to be his wife.  I, of course, said yes before he jumped back up, flames licking at his jeans – he had set himself on fire!  Next week we will be celebrating  our engagement with friends and family, and are planning our wedding next year at 11 past 11 on the 11th of the 11th, 2011.

We have already decided to do the wedding our way, in our style.  Gothic Victorian in shades of black and crimson.  It has not been easy finding inspiration for “Alternative” weddings.  Many sites that I find online almost seem comical, like something out of a bad horror film.  With so much to plan, 1 year seems like such a sort time…

With summer just around the corner, it is now time to plan our camping trip for early next year.  The last few years we have gone to Coles Bay, up the East Coast of Tasmania for a couple of days.  While I would still love to head up that way still, I am hoping we can maybe go for a week, maybe even staying a few nights in holiday lodges at Swansea or Bicheno. Some friends of Mum and Dad’s have connections to someone with a property at Mayfield, so we may even make it a bit of a family holiday before heading further up the cost.

There is litterally so much to look forward to at the moment, that it is rather overwhelming.  To often to I find I need to shake myself from my dreams to face the reality in front of me, but I am loving this feeling.  This feeling of future, happiness and love is what life is all about…

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Related Posts

• August 6, 2010 -- Anniversary & Heartagram Tattoo (3)
• March 17, 2010 -- Camping At Coles Bay (1)
• August 31, 2009 -- New Laptop & Rose Vine Tattoo (4)

The other week my Chicken and I celebrated out 2 year anniversary.  To mark the occasion and our love for each other, we both had a Heartagram tattood on our ring fingers.  While the Heartagram is actually the logo for the Finnish band, H.I.M., it still holds meaning.  Seen as a modern day Ying Yang, it symbolised balance between love and hate / fear.  The Tattoos were done by Candice of Tassie Ink.

As for other general happenings, I am trying once again to quit smoking.  So far I am up to day 6 of no ciggarets and no nicotine replacement.  I have also been enjoying lounging around the house as I am dead smack in the middle of some annual leave.  It has been good to work on all sorts of little things I have been putting off for a while.  Not really looking forward to going back to work, but who does after a week and a half of relaxation?

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• October 2, 2010 -- Engagement, Wedding & Holidays (2)
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Another year, another Zombie March – and what a blood bath of brains and fun it was! This year saw even more zombies of all ages rise from their graves to make their way from Princess Park in Battery Point to the Brisbane Hotel in Hobart.  Once again dressed as a bloody bride, my Chicken (who this year was a prisoner) and I invited a few friends along for the thrill ride.  Meeting at the “Boat Park”, I think we ended up eating more of our home made fake blood than we wore as we watched zombies of all sizes start to take over the leaf strewn landscape. Even though I had dressed up (which I love to do), my main priority for myself this year was to film the event.  Constantly running to get ahead to the action was a lot harder than I anticipated, particularly in a wedding gown, but it was very much worth it for the footage I got – it also made the beer afterwards even more refreshing!

After links for this years Zombie March?  Here they are – and if you come across any others, please let me know so I can add them to the list.

The Mercury (online) – there are some pretty amusing comments to the article from “horrified” spectators, but there is also a fantastic collection of photos from the march.

FaceBook

The group for the Hobart Zombie March has stacks for photos uploaded in their photo album with participants being encouraged to add their own – Hobart Zombie March

You can also view my photos on FaceBook HERE, including the photo shopped stills I used in my video (also feel free to tag your self).

YouTube

Once again, YouTube user quebecfoxtrot (and friend of my Chicken) had uploaded an awesome clip of the march, which you can view HERE.

And of course, below is my video from this years March, featuring music from local band, Ending Atrophy.

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• July 12, 2009 -- Hobart Zombie March, 2009… (0)
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I have been neglecting my blog of late, especially when it comes to posting about life in general.  In the last few months I have been promoted at work, competed in my first BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) competition (with videos to be posted soon) and my Chicken & I have started planning on bringing a beautiful little star into our lives and the world.  There has just been so much happening around me that it has been hard to keep focused on just one thing at a time and my emotions have been spiraling erratically, usually leaving me drained and feeling as if I have less life in me than a decapitated zombie.  My main escape has been into the world of Second Life where I have been hopelessly addicted to building new environments and creating textures to sell on XStreet – the eBay of Second Life.

So I am still here and although I don’t always feel it, I am very much alive.  As for the photo of my Chicken with a topiary chicken, this was taken on the weekend while driving from Launceston back to Hobart along the Midland Highway.  Roughly half way around St Peters’ Pass, there are several of these green, leafy animals along the road side, from crocodiles to koalas.  I used to be so fascinated by them as a kid and couldn’t resist asking Adam to pull over so I could get a photo of him with a friend.

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After a long week at work, today I finally had a day off.  I am the sort of person that has a thousand ideas a day and looks forward to “Me Time” where I can make the most of them.  But the busy week has taken it’s toll on me and I have barley ventured from the couch, doing little more than flicking through random websites, avoiding actually doing anything to benefit myself.  I have fallen into a lazy slump where my mind tells me, “It’s ok, you’ll have time tomorrow” – but who really does have time tomorrow?

Laziness would have to be on the the most common human traits, whether it be by choice or circumstance.  Laziness is a curse which can be hard to break, but not impossible.  So how can one break it?  We all have hopes, dreams and goals which we spend endless hours fantasising over, thinking, “If only.”  But when we play out these scenarios in our heads, it is almost always the end result and not the path that leads to it.  This is a big problem I constantly find I have as I seem to dream so grand that when I try, I fail because I tend to miss out the details, those important steps I must take to reach my goals.  Disappointment sets in, then the laziness becomes the excuse.  If only I could motivate myself just enough to start planning, to figure out those first baby steps to reach my destination.

When we motivate ourselves, we achieve much more.  Even on days like today where I feel pysically and mentally drained, even the smallest amount of motivation can go a long way – but it is that first push that is often the hardest.  How can we give ourselves that little shove?  We need to change our state of mind.

There are hundred of ways that this can be done from motivational eBooks, meditation and even alcohol & drugs.  But the simplest way is through music.  Music has the ability to calm and sooth, lift the spirits, release the anger and transport us to magical places within out hearts and minds.  We have all experiences that long and dreary day that seems to go on forever until that one song comes on the radio, that one song that lifts us up and takes us away from it all.  Music can transform us and our minds.

After sitting here in silence for about two hours, trying unsuccessfully to write a blog post on anything, I decided to put on the iPod and let the shuffle function do it’s magic.  Within no time (and having the house to myself) I was dancing badly around the living room doing thrash air guitar and singing like a lunatic.  I was having fun, I was getting motivated to actually DO something.  And while none of my goals and dream are likely to come true today, I can do something to work towards them.  I am going to start with a list of everything I would like to achieve by the end of the year, both big and small, realistic and fantastical.  Because once I have my list, I will have the backbones to start planning out all the little steps to get there.  Every journey needs to start somewhere and today, I am starting one of my own.

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I love camping.  There is nothing like running away from the ruckus of everyday life and just relaxing with the real world around you.  And my favourite place to do this?  Friendly Beaches on the Freycinet Peninsula.  Freycinet is on the East Coast of Tasmania, about a 2 and a half hour drive from our states capital of Hobart.  With spectacular granite mountains surrounded by native flora and fauna, beautiful white sand and crystal blue waters, the postcards and photos don’t give this piece of heaven a true enough justice.

It was my Dad who took me and my family camping at Coles Bay when I was a kid – just like he had done when he was a little tacker.  Coles Bay is the heart of Freycinet, a small friendly community which proudly holds the title of Australia’s first plastic-bag-free town.  Thousands of tourist visit every year, particularly the National Park, to take in the pristine environment and to gaze upon some of the most picturesque landscapes Tasmania has to offer, including Wineglass Bay.

Friendly Beaches is about 20 minutes before Coles Bay and while it is a popular camping ground, it is much quieter than the town center.  The white sand stretch on for miles and the sweet sound of the waves lull you to sleep each night.  My Chicken and I spent three night here in January, but we could have easily stayed much longer.  I already can not wait to return there to spend a few more nights in this tranquil paradise.

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Sorry for the lack of posting the last week. Unfortunately I have been having some problems with my blog which I am trying to sort out at the moment, but it doesn’t help when my email is also down. I had posted the other day about reaching 1500 Youtube subscribers, but the post was lost, along with several drafts in this stuff around. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to VIRTUALLY SCREAM!!!

I have had the last week off from work and while it has been great doing absolutely nothing, I have also achieved that as well – nothing. We were supposed to be going camping, but Chicken had to work and today we were supposed to be going up to Launceston, but the brakes on the car have decided to pack it in. I guess you can never really “Plan” for anything.

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• September 20, 2009 -- New Friends, New Camera, New video… (3)
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Back in November of last year, My Chicken (Adam) competed in his first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) competition.  He had only been training for about 4 months at the time and won his first fight – I was so proud of him!  I has so much fun watching him that I have recently decided to take it up myself.  Because this was Chicken’s first competition, his division started on the ground so they could focus on the grappling & submissions rather than take downs.

For more information on BJJ in Australia, visit – Will / Machado BJJ Australasia

The video player below contains 8 videos from the comp, including the first BJJ fight in Tasmania between two black belts. Just use the arrows to scroll through to the next video.

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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It has been about a week since my last post because I have been playing around trying to find a new layout.  I have finally decided on this one.  I still have a few things I’d like to tweek and fix up before it’s complete but I think I’m rather happy with it so far.  Please be sure to let me know what you think.

As to the last week, Saturday night was rather scary for me as I had an anaphylactic allergic reaction to fish.  It had been years since I had eaten it, but in between I had been stung a few times by bees, each sting making me more ill and ravenging my immune system.  Within two minutes I was vomiting violently, my face started to swell along with my throat.  As much as I did not want to go, Chicken took me into hospital where I spent two hours on an adrenalin drip.  I am fine now, but kinda peeved that I will never be able to eat fish again.

A trial brigade fumes above the load.

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In memory on my son, Elliot…

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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I’m feeling rather tired at the moment. The last few weeks have been draining, dotted with the odd day off here and there. Not really enough time at all to completely recharge especially when on most of those days I’m running around trying to cram in everything I can’t do when I am at work. At least next weekend I have 3 days off in a row. Things over all have been pretty good of late, but feeling so drained most of the time tends to play havoc with my emotions, bringing me down for no reason at all – which is not how I wish to feel. I want to be full of rainbows and bubbles and silky daydreams that are so real that your senses are thrown into overload. I want to craft and nurture these dreams and bring them into my waking life with a spark and a tear of joy. I want… I just want it all now. Not this lethargic weight that rains down on my essence, drenching me dark, leaving me struggling, tying me down with my own gloom. I can smell the sunshine on the horizon, yet the shutters seem too heavy to shift, to let just a glimmer of it in. The tiredness is overwhelming, altering my illusion of space and time. I feel suspended…

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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• January 20, 2010 -- Clarity & Next Tattoo design (1)
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Australia day.  And nothing says Un-Australian on Australia day than having to work.  Not saying that we are a nation of slackers, but it is the Australian way to have the odd day of bludging here and there, where all you do is sit back, fire up the barbie and have a few beers with your mates.  And I had to work.  Slow… dull… boring… work…  There was practically no one around, a ghost town, and I was stuck inside without even a whiff of charcoaled steak on the air…  So to kill time, I got some paper and started scribbling away, trying to come up with something that resembled a tribal tattoo design.  Tribals are not my strong point.  I love the randomness of them, but I can’t seem to let the randomness flow when I attempt to draw them.  Instead, I ended up with a badly drawn tribal / celtic design, in felt tip pen – not a medium of choice as it seems messy and not as sharp.

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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What really is a moment of clarity? Is it when all the pieces fall into place that we experience this as we can see the wrong doings of our past, or is it when things become so shattered that we bleed ourselves on the fragments to see the ultimate truth that nothing that we could ever dream will taste as sweet because of bitter disappointment?  It seems at times that my spiral of suffering is endless and that there is nothing I can do to break the cycle.  Yesterday was one of those days, and even though today I feel slightly better, my inner voices still taunt me, making my head ache and spiking my senses, shifting them slightly into that other mode where the shadows and whispers of those not of this realm become more noticeable to me.  Sometimes I think that I can see clearer while in my dark mind, that I can see the world and it’s inhabitants in their true state of ugliness – which makes rare, true beauty even more fantastical, if one can of course find it…

In just over two weeks, I’m going in for my next tattoo – some text on the inside of my left forearm.  I want to cover my scars with something that means a lot to me – some lyrics from Tool’s song, Parabola – We Are Eternal, All This Pain Is An Illusion.  Every time I see it, I want to be reminded of the strength in the message, the strength I have already called upon to not give up.  The font being used is called Edwardian.

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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• January 31, 2010 -- Waking Life… (0)
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Once again it seems like it has been forever since I last posted, thanks to a lack of Internet access, being in between dwellings and that chaotic phase of the year we call Christmas. Life has been so flat out of late, I am surprised that everything I see and experience doesn’t just whirl around and flash past me at such speed, that colours are barely recognisable. Even when I do have time to relax, my mind keeps racing, urging me on to the pursuit of random “what-if” that may become the collage of days to come. I feel so exhausted that I think a years sleep would be rather welcomed right about now…

We have moved house to a two bedroom unit in a surprisingly quite pocket in one of the suburbs. It is nothing fancy, but it is clean with plenty of light. You can catch glimpses of the Derwent River from the lounge room window. It’s not too expensive either. It is just what we needed and at the perfect time. And of course, with getting a new place now means a regular Internet connection again, so more posts – more often. I also thought it was the perfect time to move my blog to it’s own domain which brings me to where I am right now, tip-tapping away at my keys, letting the dark silk of my mind flow through my fingertips. There are a few sorta back-dated events I hope to share within the next few weeks, such as my Chicken’s BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) competition from November 2009, to our recent camping trip up the beautiful East Coast of Tasmania. So please be sure to subscribe to keep up with all my latest ramblings and be sure to watch this space as I continue to evolve my little web nest.

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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It has been rather frustrating getting online of late. Because we are in the in-between phase of moving, we no longer have the net on at home – my sweet, sweet addiction! So I have been trying to make the most of the free WiFi at McDonalds. Not the best online service, but it is better than nothing. It is currently my methadone…

I hate these in-between phases where you know something is going to happen, that you are going to make it happen – it’s just the when. It has been hard trying to find a new place to rent between work and cold feet and being uncontrollably fussy. Also owning two cats makes things a little more difficult. And we are quickly running out of time…

The other evening while wondering around the city before heading off to do a ghost tour, I came across some amazing chalk art in the mall. I had always enjoyed emails my mum would forward on to me containing breath-taking images of 3D artworks that almost looked as if they could come to life. So on stumbling upon the real thing, I had to take some photos of my own. From the signature, the artist’s name is Ulla Taylor.

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I have almost lost count as to how many times I have tried to write this post over the last 24 hours, each time being a different emotion, a different angle and idea.  That is how it is for me, a full spectrum of random feelings fracturing over time.  Now, I am just on the verge of drunkeness and seem to have lost almost all idea of my intention to write.  All I feel like I can do is ramble in riddles that cascade through my mind, dyslexic in my thoughts and my ability to portray them in a way that someone normal – someone whom is not me, may understand them.  I am lost to myself…  I feel such a cuffufle of emotions, I am down because I feel unattractive and unwanted yet I am overwhelmed with happiness because I feel that I am so loved.  I feel like I am at a point of nothingness and meaningless repetition  in my life, but I also feel as if I am on the verge of an unforseen change of beautiful proportions… I am torn between my two side…  My real self and the person I play to have any kind of grasp upon reality…

I have been playing around with my next tattoo design, one which I hope to tattoo myself.   It is an Om symbol, to be tattooed on my ankle.  The infinite sound of the Universe, the ultimate of all and everything that is, has and ever will be, I thought it only a perfectly fitting tattoo for me and my ideals.  I hope to tattoo it this weekend.  Eventually I would love to add a pink lotus to the background, caressing my ankle its grace.  It will only be the second proper tattoo I have done myself, and even though my first is not perfect – it is much better than a lot of others I have seen so I am hoping it will turn out well.

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Yesterday I got myself a brand spanking new laptop.  I am so happy with it!  It’s just perfect for what I need, especially video editing.  I am hoping to enter next years Sony Tropfest with a short film.  I plan to film everything, then animate each frame, also adding in some of my own original artwork.  I really do hope it works out – and that I am able to finish it in time.  It’s my aim to make the top films at least that travel the country for the festival it’s self.  Without giving too much away, it’s going to be a short sort of horror film.  Noting too gory or scary, as I’m mainly relying on my art and animation to make to whole thing look visually spectacular.

Last month I also finally got my Infinity Rose Vine Tattoo done, to forever remind me of my Beautiful Chicken and my love for him (click HERE to see previous post).  I had hoped to have had this video done sooner, but when my other laptop died, I lost all the work I had previously done on it, so I had to start again from scratch.

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A few weeks ago on the 27th of June, my Chicken and I took part in our very first Zombie March through the city of Hobart.  I had heard of Zombie Marches being held in other parts of the World, so when I found out via FaceBook that Hobart was having one of their own – I could not wait to take part.  Dress as a very bloodly Zombie Bride and my Chicken as my Zombie Groom, we met others of out kind at Princess Park, more commonly known to us locals as “The Boat Park.”  After drenching our selves in even more fake blood, we started straggling down towards Salamanca Markets, screaming and groaning as the crowed looked on and took pictures, faces riddled with mixed emotion – it was a great day…

We marched through the city and into the Mall before making our way up Elizabeth Street, and around to The Brisbane where we mauled at a Double-Decker bus filled with tourists before heading inside for a quick drink.  Being zombies made it kinda hard to take too many photos or footage, but I have tried to make the best of what I had by playing around with Photoshop and Movie Maker.  I don’t have too many group shots, but if you are in any of the photos, then please feel free to tag yourself in my FaceBook Album, HERE.

There are many more great examples of photography from the day which can be found at these places below:

On FaceBook at:

Hobart Zombie March 2009

Eva

Skye

Online at:

Flickr by Big Doofa

Hobart Daily

Appart from my own video, I have only been able to find one other so far from this year.  Please let me know if you find any others.

Zombie Street Walk Salamanca Market 2009

Video from the Hobart Zombie March a few years back.

The Zombie March

If you have any other photos or videos from the day, then please leave me a comment with your link and I will be happy to add it to my list.

Please don’t forget to subscribe to my blog and my YouTube Videos.  Also, feel free to follow me on Twitter.

Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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The last week seems to have been full of chaotic ups and downs for me.  I’m leaving one job this Sunday to start another on Monday.  I also feel like I have been on a busted emotional rollercoaster, just not being able to handle everything else being thrown at me.  Been having problems sleeping again,with weird dreams troubling me well into my waking hours.  I do know a lot of it is my own paranoia and mind screwing with me, but it still drags me down into the ashes, leaving me to struggle with my own uncertainties.  I know things aren’t as bad as they see, I just feel restless.

I really don’t know what to write at the moment, it just feel like there is too much noise in my head.  I will post another video though.  This is an EVP from a seance I did a few years ago.  Now before people start to tell me how good or bad seances can be – I do know they can be dangerous.  That is why I take them seriously and don’t muck around with them.  Anyway, when you listen you can hear the voice of a man saying something along the lines of “Hate this place *something-something* God”.  The “No” you can hear is myself.  Notice how there is the echo in my voice, but not from the EVP.

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Thanks for subscribing to my blog, The Shadows of my Mind. To get your FREE MP3 download, "Deep Sleep Meditation", CLICK HERE

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This is a drawing of my beautiful Chicken.  I know he doesn’t really look like a Chicken, but he is my Chicken and I love him with all that I have from the day we met over two years ago.  We became great friends and in time, much more.  He is everything I have ever dreamed about and thought I would never find in this life time.  But I did find him, and I want to remember that forever.  In July it will be our 1 year anniversary and on that day I hope to get some more ink done, so he will always be with me.

I believe that there are other things in our World and a reason for existing.  How it all works, I do not know, but I have a thing with numbers.  Even in nature there are patterns that keep repeating themselves too often to be coincidence.  Numbers are all around us and we all have our favourite ones.  Mine is 5 and Chicken’s is 11.  But there are also ways to apply numbers to names and dates to get a Numerological profile on a person or place.  My Numerological number is 11 while Chicken’s is 5.  Spooky… but the two numbers are the basis for my design.  I am wanting to get it on my left hand as the veins run closest to the heart and it is to fill a gap I have between another on my hand and one on my wrist.  The 5 roses represent me while the thorns represent chicken.  The vine is in the shape of the symbol for infinity.  One of the thorns is bloodied and looks like is has pierced the skin, leaving a small inked blood droplet – over the vein that runs through from the wedding finger.  It will make for tattoo number 9 – if I can resist the urge to get another one done before then.

In leaving for today I thought I would post a video of some tattoos I had done back in February.  If you are familiar with the band Tool, then you will recognise the artwork from the album Lateralus.  The artwork is actually done by a guy called Alex Grey who produces some amazing pieces.  You can visit his website by clicking HERE.  I hope to eventually incorporate more of his artwork into future tattoos.

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