Everyone loves hearing the whole, “A great man/woman once said…” deal, but if they were all so great and so wise, then how come the World isn’t a better place from following their lead? Maybe they weren’t so great after all. Or maybe we aren’t as great as we think. There are all these ideas out there, all these concepts as to how we should live, how we should breathe, how we should fuck – but the only person who knows what is best is our own selves. If the greatest being there is in our existence is God, then we are our own. Our own co-creators. We are responsible for our own actions. But our control only extends so far. I can wake up every morning with a clear cut plan to the day in my head, but it can be over in an instant depending on the actions of others around me. Take work for example. I can choose which jobs to apply for and hopefully become successful in gaining one of them, but that decision lies in the hands of someone else, and even then once you have the job you surrender all control to the corporation that pays for you to have a life. And even if you are the one at the top of the food chain you are still a slave to the economy, and who controls that. Not the government, but us. We control all aspects of global trading. Every time we submit to the whole “Would you like fries with that?” we are contributing to our own slavery.
Even when it comes to matters of the heart, we are at the mercy of the one we love because if it is not mutual, there really is nothing. The romatic get away you have been planning, that candle lit dinner, that amazing sex you have been fantisising about all week, it become something that you can not control beyond what the other desires. Fantasy is just that, a fantasy we can only live out in our own minds. Even if we could find a pupet to dance to our tune, unless being the puppeteer is part of your plan, then it means fucking nothing.
It is as if life it’s self is one big, meaningless and unsatisfying orgy where no matter what you do, you end up beyond fucked in everyway and getting bukakied in the face. If we are our own Gods yet we have no real control, then does that mean that God does not exist? Maybe Lusifer had the better idea when he argued that free will was to be the ultimate destruction of mankind. But would having everything set to a plan be any different? Would we really be happier? Would happiness actually be factored into what would then be a compleatly meaningless existance?
We are our own fucking demons. There are no angels to save us from ourselve, as much as we would like to think it. Only we can do that, but how? And is it even worth it? What are we really worth, to other people, to ourselve? I feel that I am worthless, but I know I am not to others. So what does that put me at, when I feel I have nothing to fight for? The answer is Sathe, the secret name for the soul. It travels through many lives, searching for the ultimate truth. Something we are too blind to see in these weak shells that we inhabbit. Something we chase but can never seem to grasp. I can only hope that one day all this bullshit is for a reason. That I have not wasted another lifetime chasing my own tail. I know I am better than this body. I know I am better than this life. I – and we – just need to wait to find out why…
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Whenever you feel as if your outcomes have been determined by others actions, try to look at it like this. You always have a choice. There is always a fork in the road. When we are “forced” to do something we don’t want to do we have actually chosen the action providing the least harmful (hopefully) consequences. I have a motto “I don’t HAVE to do anything. I do exactly what I want to do all the time.” You truly can be the master of your own destiny. That doesn’t mean that I am unpredictable and could do anything at anytime. There are some things that I would never do because I don’t choose to be that kind of person. As far as whether or not there is something more than this life out there for me. God I hope so! I feel connected to something larger than all this. I, like you, am just waiting to find out what it is.